recovery. healing. and lots of crafts!

It's hard to believe that it's been two and a half weeks since the surgery.  It seems so surreal. While some remnants of discomfort remain (mainly when I sneeze or yawn) most movement is significantly more natural. Though scarves are very much apart of my future for a while longer as I naturally am a bit convinced that everyone can see the remains that seem to shout the story it's hiding (and thanks to a certain fabulous friend for providing such an adorable one to the rotation!), I strongly believe that soon you won't even be see it all. Dr. Heslin is incredible. Each time I swallow, it's not there begging for a cough to loosen it's grip. When I touch my neck, there's no more lump protruding. And now that the glue is completely gone, all that's left is a thin line concealing the stitches within that can barely be felt at the touch.

We met with the surgeon's team again this past Thursday and everything looked great.  The wound was already healing quite nicely, and I was cleared to resume activity! I will go back to work on Monday and start getting back into the swing of things slowly.  There are still some things I will have to go easy with, but "normalcy" should return quite soon. And I couldn't be more excited, thankful, and simply filled with joy. What a journey this has been and I

The last time I posted about a two week period, I was driving 4 hours a day.  This two week period however has found me bound to the house and far from the winding roads around town unless someone has been around (and willing) to take me.  So I have taken it upon myself to be rather crafty and quite productive.  After my sweet husband helped me to gather materials for all these projects and a much needed antiquing trip with a dear friend who came down simply to keep me company, I found myself armed and ready to take on the "stay-at-home-crafting-trophy-wife" role that a friend deemed my title during this time period. Some of these projects have been ones I have been meaning to do for ages now.  Some are new finds from none other than pinterest itself. I kept myself busy for sure between these crafts and reading (I've started Love Wins by Rob Bell & Radical by David Platt) and must say that I feel quite accomplished! I've posted pictures below :)

t-shirt & lace scarf :: button bobby pins

 date night idea jar :: book with cards from engagement & wedding

artichoke jars with coffee beans & tea lights :: get well card ring

 "elliott" frame with pictures from honeymoon in new orleans, la

 being pampered: manicure to celebrate the birth of a friend & haircut finally

mexico, bolivia, canada, honduras [foreign currency - more to come] jamaica, russia, latvia, england

frozen yogurt "chips" to snack on :: framed burlap "e"

While I have needed to be forced to focus on recovering and taking this time out to be still and not overdo, I am actually looking forward to returning to the hustle and bustle of the day to day. Especially after spending such an incredible weekend enjoying nature and just life in general with the most amazing husband there is. I am so thankful for this time and all that has come from this journey. It never ceases to amaze me how creatively the Lord shows His face, and I can't wait to see what else He has in store for us.

surviving surgery - with results update!

Recently the question I have been getting is one of concern.  Not only for my physical well being especially now that I am out of the hospital, but also for my emotional state.  With everything that has been going on, my general response has been a generic one since I have been filled with such a myriad of emotions that have been rather difficult to voice.  I can however say that in the midst of all these feelings, my answer to the question “So, how are you feeling?” can be simply summed into one word. Blessed. Completely loved, taken care of, and inexplicably comforted. Curious of course; wanting answers and learning patience in gathering them. Terrified quite honestly; I had no idea what to expect before the surgery, and even through the recovery process there are still moments of fear that come upon me. And large amounts of pain, naturally. But anger, not at all. Being angry for this experience would lessen the value of what the Lord has been teaching already me through it all. Especially when it comes to love and comfort.  To be surrounded by such amazing friends and family that have not only expressed their care for me with such incredibly sweet emails/letters and silly text messages/pictures, but ones who have acted on that by keeping us busy with dinners, events, and outings to show their support as well. To have a husband who not only has been by my side for countless doctor’s appointments, but one who has embodied the very meaning of unfailing love through this seeming time of “worse” by holding me close and never ceasing to show how much he cares for me even with the most gentle kiss of the forehead when I needed it most. I am simply just incredibly blessed.

To update on the timeline of recent happenings:

A few weeks ago (beginning of Feb), we discovered I had a large nodular on my neck and went to the doctor. He sent me for a thyroid ultrasound, then after they determined the mass was a tumor (2in x 1in x 1in in size contained to my thyroid), they sent me for a guided ultrasound and took a biopsy of the cells. The results from that showed that from the cells on the inside of the tumor (they could only test the inside and not the outside with the biopsy), the inside of it and those cells they took are atypical and that the inside of the tumor could be benign, but that the outside could be follicular cancer of the thyroid. So he told us to go to an endocrinologist and I will likely have surgery sometime soon after that to have the tumor removed and then depending on whether it is malignant or not, the stage, and whether it has metastasized or not will depend on further treatments. So there's a bit of a process left.

After much researching, we skipped the endocrinologist and went straight to the surgeon. I meet with Dr. Heslin (Surgical Oncologist) at the Kirklin Clinic in Birmingham (end of Feb). I had a CT scan done first and then met with him to go over that and all my other records. He confirmed everything we already knew, and also was able to provide us with some new info. The tumor is contained to the right lobe of the thyroid and the left side looks normal. Which is great news! He also said that from what the scan showed, my lymph nodes look unaffected and that the mass has not gone below my collar bones which is good.

All that to be said, I had surgery (right thyroid lobectomy) on April 4th (this past Wednesday) at UAB with Dr. Heslin to remove the mass. There are so many good things and he is certain that how soon we caught it, my age, and that as the side issues (some fatigue & weight gain) have been minimal that even if it is cancerous (which is a low percentage about 20-30%) that we are in a good place.

There were a few ways this could go now that the surgery is over:

During the surgery, he removed the right lobe & they didn't find anything else wrong with my lymph nodes or anything so that was great! They are currently testing the mass further, and if they find after testing that it is malignant, then I would go back and have another surgery to remove the other part of my thyroid and have meds to take daily. Still a good option. They then of course would check the rest of me to see if it has spread anywhere else (unlikely) so they would be able to take action in those areas as well. However, if they find that it is benign, I wouldn't even have to take pills. Just check in every so often. This is obviously the ideal option :) So far, it’s looking like the second of the two from what happened in the surgery and the small frozen section they did pathology with then, but we won’t find out complete answers until sometime next week probably. Right now I am just recovering (well trying to!) with a sizable incision wound on my neck, as well as stiffness, soreness and pain in my neck and chest.  It actually looks pretty good all things considered. Nothing a cute scarf can't cover up! [I am not going to post a picture, however if you can't drop by to visit and would like to see it, I will gladly email one to you:)]

This has been somewhat of a process trying to find answers and waiting for results, but it has been quite an encouraging one in actuality. Everyone at UAB was just incredible from the ladies at admission, to the nurses, techs, and all of Dr. Heslin's surgical team.  It really was a great overall experience in regards at the hospital given the situation and I couldn't have asked for anything better. We have been bathed in prayer and are surrounded by so many wonderful friends and family both at the hospital & from far away.  And having Glenn by my side through it all has been such a blessing.  He truly has been the embodiment of comfort and love and has just been the most incredible man through this all.  We are confident in the Lord's plans and trust fully in His provision, comfort and peace. Prayers and thoughts are indeed welcomed as we continue the recovery process and await the final results! 

            

just some goodies & flowers from some amazing peoples :)

UPDATE:

Thank you everyone for all of the thoughts and prayers!  Our prayers have truly been answered in more ways than we could have expected!  We are so incredibly blessed.

Dr. Heslin called and gave me the results earlier this week.  He said it was follicular adenoma, which simply means that it is a benign tumor of the thyroid. :)  I won't need an additional surgery. I won't need to take any medication. Aside from check ups every so often, this journey is reaching it's ending point. YAY BENIGN!! :)

emptied to be filled again

So many things have been on mind lately.  For so long, I've been pondering the significance of meaning.  The meaning of words.  Of actions. Of our very lives. I've constantly been asking myself if how I'm leading my life has meaning and purpose.  Am I effectively living day to day or am I just along for the ride?  In reflecting during this season of Lent, I've come across so many words of wisdom I gathered this from an article I read recently and really loved how they expressed the lost art of fasting:

"Fasting belongs—if we’ve missed seeing this, it’s because we’ve seen only half of what the discipline is. There’s the obvious part, which is the denying of self and the giving-up of things. This is fasting from, as in, “What are you fasting from for Lent this year?” But the second half of fasting is where the meaning happens. This is fasting to—it’s a purpose, an opportunity. "To" is a space reserved so God can use and fill it, and the miracle of fasting is that He does. In the process, He transforms our simple discipline into something not only spiritual but deeply desirable too."

During this season of Lent, while my husband and I both chose to abstain from some of our favorite food items, we've also pledged to add something meaningful "in place" of those items.  Aside from the ever growing importance of centering our lives and our marriage on Christ and challenging one another to dive deeper into scripture and study of the Word, we've chosen also to act in a very real way to situations in our lives.  I've begin thinking on a few concerns that seem to crop up wherever my mind wanders.  Most of these concerns have at the core, I hate to admit, have been quite selfish.


For the longest time I chose to not participate in Lent because of the example I had been shown.  Give up something, cheat on Sundays, and then return to normal after 40 days to over indulge in whatever that something was.  Nothing filled the void of item/task forsaken drawing one closer to relationship with Christ; but the act was done for personal pride to draw attention to how strong their will power was, or for personal gain so as loose weight before spring break.  This was quite the opposite of my understanding of fasting.  To me fasting was to be done in secret.  That in emptiness in that area we were offering up, we were to be filled in some manner. Throughout Scripture, fasting refers to abstaining from food for spiritual purposes. It stands in contrast to the hunger strike, or for health reasons such as dieting. Biblical fasting always centers on spiritual purposes.  When I was a freshman, the discipleship group I was in read through and lived out The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster.  This book (along with this incredible group of girls), changed my views on several topics, challenged my beliefs, and shaped my character greatly. One such topic was fasting.  For a great summary of his points on fasting, check out this summary with excepts.  (Additionally I was recently introduced to Naked Spirituality by Brian McLaren which goes through the spiritual disciplines in the context of the seasons of of lives and how they weave through them.  I'm hopeful to check this out!)

So how does all of this tie back to my original thoughts on meaning and purpose you ask?  Well, in light of giving up things in my life during this contemplative season, my biggest struggle has been what to fill these voids with?  In pondering such options, every choice seemed either too menial, cliche or honestly, something that is or should already be a regular practice in my daily schedule.  Struggling with these options I was presented with this quote from the late Steve Jobs by a friend from work who is not a believer.

"If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?  Whenever the answer has beenn 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

Funny how the Lord chooses to speak to us all too often in the very places we never would have looked. And suddenly it made sense to me.  That while I should be doing so many things to glorify the King and bear witness to His kingdom, this was a time to focus my energies on something specific and yet altogether abstract.  That what has been causing me so much stress and frustration was to now be the focus of how to glorify the Lord. When I answered the question he posed to myself, I had to answer with a sincere 'no'. My professional life has been an enormous source of excitement at times, however all too often the stress that bears down on me has been downright debilitating.  This gradual destruction has inevitably creeped into other areas of my life effecting my very joy, and not simply just my job.

And this is where the 'something' needs to change. So my goal has become to find a way to find the joy again in the field I love despite, or perhaps in light of, the occupation that is tearing away at me.  What this means yet I don't know.  I do however know that my mission this season of Lent is to search for the good at work. To find the positive in the midst of political chaos that is the ensuing downfall of this agency that started with such a heart.  To be the light of Christ and simply love people.  Not just the easy to adore students in our care, but the stubborn, rude and sometimes ignorant staff that care for them. And while I don't know what the future holds for me professionally; whether it be a new job, more schooling, or something different altogether, I do know that He is teaching me where my talents and passions lie and how to use them in this important area of my life. All I need to do is listen for his guidance and watch for His light to guide me to the path I'm meant to follow...

joyous perspective

So many of my memories of Daniel from our freshman and sophomore years involve him playing his guitar, goofing around, and making everyone laugh.  But even more than that, it is his incredible joy and outlook on life that was utterly contagious that comes to mind. As many friendships do, ours paths went different directions and communication faded, leaving but a fond memory behind and exciting random encounters on campus were what remained. Though two years is such a glimpse of time in reality, Daniel touched my life in more ways than he will ever know.

fall of our sophomore year. 

This past Saturday Daniel passed away after his long battle against brain cancer.  He is now worshiping with the King he so fervently devoted his life to. After being told that he had a tumor on the right temporal lobe of his brain his response amid the confusion, distress and turmoil, was to pray.  He kept a blog from which is words continue to encourage.  This was his prayer:

“So I prayed for comfort, I prayed for my anxiety to be taken away.  I thought the comfort would come directly from the Holy Spirit inside me, and of course it does many times.  But this time the comfort was sent another way: through my family.  When I say family, I don't only include blood relatives, I'm talking about my friends.”

We were in the fall of Junior year when this journey began.  To be so young Daniel was extremely wise and devoted in faith. As he spoke of the next few days of his stay in the hospital, this is what he said:

“It felt like a party, and I've never felt so much love before.  These friends had God working through them, whether they knew it or not.  They were my comfort that I had prayed for.  So the conclusion we can take from this is that God is using each and every one of us, even if we don't sometimes realize it.  God is that powerful, He is in EVERYTHING.  The more I realize this, the more joy I have in my life.  There is freedom in Jesus.  There is comfort if we obey His teachings and callings.  No, I do not believe that I will ever be perfect in regards to my obedience, but we can be polished every day if we are open to it.  God is limitless and all powerful, and we are invited to be used by Him whenever we ask.”

What an incredible view of faith. What an incredible man. How things are placed into perspective by those who exemplified what it meant to to radiate joy through turmoil.  How meaningless my troubles when in view of the pain and struggle Daniel endured? Such an amazing example of our response in this life should be. Praying for your family knowing you are watching over us all. Rest in peace sweet friend. Thankful for you forever.

365 days later...

It's so very hard to believe that it's already been a year since Glenn and I got married! It's now been over 365 days since saying "I do" and embarking on this journey together!  My how the year has flown by!

And what a year it has been! There have been so many changes in this short time.  And we have been so very blessed in this initial year of marriage. In thinking of new years and resolutions, I've decided that instead of pondering the copious areas where I am in desperate need of transformation and perseverating on the continual work that is needed to transform this mess of girl (much like last year's post) I would rather reflect on this past year and all of the wonderful events that have transpired culminating in our celebration of this past year! 

here's a short summary of the past year by month including links to previous posts :)

jan: wedding!, honeymoon to new orleans!

feb: valentine's day, mardi gras

march: friend's weddings, visits from friends

april: rainforest experience at the exploreum, a boat, arena football

may: abai, mobile auburn club dinner, more weddings

june: even more weddings, beach

july: hp72, move to new apt!, visits from friends

aug: end of woody's song, brad staff sergeant, camping

sep: football in auburn, choctow co., lots of hosting football games

oct: official start of the new job, kangaroos at the exploreum, more hosting of football games

nov: birthdays, no meat november, thanksgiving, foster the puppy

dec: north pole stroll, christmas, new car!, nye

While this is a brief, albeit ever so slightly comprehensive, list of the major points, it leaves out so many aspects that have made this past year so amazing.  What this list lacks aside from the challenges of the year, is the multitude of people who have touched our hearts and come into our lives for either the first time or who have remained true in friendship and love.  We have been so blessed by such incredible family that holiday celebrations were indeed joyous times to gather together.  We have also been fortunate to maintain friendships that are dear to us despite the distances.  As for those just entering our lives, it has been such a blessing to grown in friendships that are organic at the core.  It has been quite refreshing to have conversation that is honest, vulnerable, full of laughter and free of judgement. We have been very exited to start formulating a tight knit group of friends here in Mobile, something we have been longing for since we moved here. Our little group is a blossoming blend of new and old that delivers that community we have been craving.  

So in celebration of this past year and our first anniversary, we celebrated with some of these wonderful people over the weekend! We also decided to take a modern spin on the traditional gift of paper. The first two were things I made with some inspiration from Pinterest. The picture on the left is of a frame of our first dance photo surrounded by the lyrics to our first dance song Do You Remember by Jack Johnson.  The one on the right is this window pane we got for super cheap at an antique store turned frame. I'm in love with how they both turned out.

      

We have loved getting to decorate our space together and have really loved going to the flea market and antique stores to complete our decor. We found this awesome distressed shutters turned corner shelf at the flea market and made this our present to one another. Since paper comes from wood and all so we figured it counted ;) and it looks great in the space!  We also sampled our cakes from the wedding and a bottle of wine we got that night at the Tutwiler to celebrate. Let's just say the move did not do as well for these items as it did for us.

                                  

View from our room at the IP

As I said we spent the weekend celebrating life together and shared that with some great friends as well as spent some much needed time for just the two of us :) We got a room at the IP Casino in Biloxi and use our legit paper gift of two tickets to see Katt Williams and friends. The show was great & we spent the night playing at the casino, laughing, eating great food, and simply enjoying being together. It was wonderful!  I love that our anniversary is at the beginning of the year, because we willalways be starting each new year anew together.  Another year of life, of marriage, and of learning to find joy in every part of it together. I cannot wait for what the years to come will bring us to journey in with one another! If a word could capture my heart this past year, it would indeed be blessed.

IP Casino